UNWELL

I want so much to not be unwell anymore. People treat me as if they are ashamed of me.... like the shame I hold inside isn't enough to bring me to my knees under its weight. They judge so harshly without ever knowing why there is this ugliness about me. People see the scars that have been left behind. The scars that have mutilated the beauty I once possessed. The same scars, that set me apart from others with knowledge that stole the last of my innocence. I wish on no one had to loose all of their innocence.... it is the last warm embrace you can take comfort in, that shields you from the icy grasp of a cold and cruel reality, we so loosely reefer to as our world. I speak not just for myself but for others that may not have the strength to look past the accusing and fearful stares of their co worker across the hall. Or the neighbors on your street whispering as you walk by. Simply because they came for you again and you did not go willingly. Because you know it's another week gone from what you love, from home, another sick leave. Just one more black mark against you in a game you were destined to loose.

God is there hope for me in this cruel and unforgiving world. Am I this way because that what you chose for me? Or have I ruined my mind with the choices Ive made? I know not the answer, but COME WHAT MAY... I will continue to search for you keeping my face to the heavens,,, praying one day not that I will be like everyone else but that others will accept me for who I am imperfectly....